2010

Cyn: This year, I resolve to make promises I can’t keep, fight battles I can’t win, and start a bunch of projects I won’t finish. Argent: The pressure is on. Cyn: Yep.

Argent: What is this? Cyn: Russia plans to change the course of an asteroid that will come close to earth in 2029. One of the ways to do this is to literally fire missiles at the asteroid. I built a model to simulate it. The pedal will cause the missiles (matches) to hit the asteroid… Read more »

Cyn: Here’s an interesting concept: permanent storage. Movie: Night at the Museum 2. Ben Stiller: What’s going on here? Theodore Roosevelt: The exhibits are being shipped to permanent storage at the Smithsonian. Cyn: Permanent storage. You put something in a dark, musty basement and never look at it again. Ever. Otherwise it wouldn’t be permanent… Read more »

Cyn: The more I think about movies, the more I realize they don’t make sense. There is always a plot hole, or facts don’t add up, or something is left unexplained. As I’m thinking about this, it dawns on me. If movies made perfect sense, they would not be realistic at all, would they?

Argent: Cyn, you have been here for over two years now and there has not been a single foul word said this entire time. Cyn: What? Are you serious? Bingo: Saved!

Fortune Cookie: “You will soon receive a large fortune.”

Cyn: Happy Valentines Day. Or as I prefer to say, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH Raúl: Puppy Love.

Bingo: what’s this? Ah?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Argent: Is it better to be loved, or feared? Bingo: Is it better to be good, or lucky? Cyn: Is it better to be unlucky, or dead? Sometimes I wonder. I really do wonder.

Cyn: CAT! That never gets old.

Cyn: What are you doing? Bingo: Looking for pineapples.

Cyn: What are we eating for dinner? Argent: Food. Cyn: What are you reading? Argent: Words. Cyn: Is that book any good? Argent: Maybe. Cyn: Do you think astronomy is important? Argent: I suppose. Cyn: Did you know that U.S. potato production increased by 4% in 2009? Argent: Possibly. Cyn: Are you a master of… Read more »

Caption: The 3 steps to a surprise addiction. Trying. Argent: Taste this. Cyn: Meh. Caption: Trying again, for whatever reason. Caption: Addiction. Cyn: drool

Cyn: I’m hungry. Bingo: We’re in the same boat, then. Cyn: Get out of my boat.

Bingo: new webcam. how do I look? Destroyer of Worlds: Come over and see. Bingo: Ok. Bingo: Oh. Right.

Flight attendant: I’d like to take this time to remind everyone that this is a non-smoking flight. If at any time during the flight you wish to smoke, please step outside.

Cyn: Save the e-trees! Stop sending me spam! Every year, spam and chain letters kill millions of e-trees. Only with your help can we put an end to this senseless slaughter. This Earth Day, play your part to end internet deforestation. Stop sending spam. Save an e-tree. Graph: # Trees vs # FWD:’s and RE:’s

Cyn: Ah, crazy old Aunt Emilia. Argent: Why am I not surprised? Grave: I Almost Died.

Cyn: There’s no business Bingo: like show business! Cyn: No. Just. There is no business.

Cyn: do not look directly into laser beam; do not consume; do not light on fire; blah blah blah… Oh. This is a new one. “Never view the laser beam using telescopic devices such as a microscope or binoculars.” Darn.

Cyn: GAAAAAAASP. Nothing fazes you! Cyn: Ah, I have not told you before… Argent’s Parents

Argent’s Dad: I couldn’t help but notice that you seem interested in me. Would you like to have dinner together? Argent’s Mom: Of course.

Tag: Extra buttons Raúl: Extra buttons

Cyn: This is a $100 rebate. Argent: So mail it in. Cyn: I can’t afford the 44¢ stamp.

Cyn: Alright, Community Chest. Go to college. Go directly to college. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200. Bingo: Raúl, I wanted to buy that… Argent: (Banker, naturally) Cyn: (Ignored)

Bingo: And they lived happily ever after. But since everyone knows that human beings are just characters in fairy tales, they didn’t live happily ever after, because they don’t exist. The end.

Cheese: Made with natural cheese Cyn: Natural cheese? As opposed to what? Unnatural cheese? What does that come from – space aliens? But wouldn’t it be natural to them? It’s all relative! Everything is relative!

Argent: “It’s amazing how much good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit. Cyn: “A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” Bingo: “Fish. Yu.” Cyn: Ah, Bingo, that’s the ‘learn Chinese’ side. Fortune Cookie: Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.

Cyn: I’m cynical for a reason. This is a world where a restaurant can call itself Steak ‘N Shake, and yet not serve any stake. Does this look like a steak to you?

Cyn: Ohmygosh he needs CPR! Is anyone CPR certified? Bingo: cough cough Cyn: No?… Bingo: cough hack Caption: Cyn: Not certified, either. Bingo: Actually needs Heimlich maneuver, not CPR. Bingo: coffcoffcoffcoffcoffcoff

Cyn: People say a lot about the Bible. Yet, there’s still something I can’t quite figure out: in the beginning, why does God talk to himself? Bible: And God said Let there be light; And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called night; And God said Let us make man Cyn: And… Read more »

Cyn: Department of Redundancy Department speaking. You say you made an accidental mistake when you went to an ATM machine at 1 AM in the morning and forgot your PIN number? Then when you tried to drive home your ABS system didn’t work and wouldn’t function, causing you to get in a car crash that… Read more »

Cyn: Great minds think alike. This is just proof that stupid ones do, too.

Waiter: Would you like cheese on your salad? Cyn: Yes. Waiter: Tell me when to stop. Cyn: Did I tell you about what happened? …And she actually said that. Bingo: Wow.

Argent: Cyn, do you have a second? Cyn: One. Nope, it’s gone.

Cyn: If you could change something in your past, what would it be? If I could go back and change anything, I would start today over and not waste it thinking about what I would change.

Bingo: I want a blue tie, but I don’t know what color.

Raúl: Bingo: Shh, shh! I’m trying to figure out how to put it together.

Scottie Blogger: Hi everyone. I know I haven’t been updating my blog very much recently, but after today I plan to update twice a week! I have a ton of great new ideas! Two Months Later…

Cyn: Pineapples do not grow on trees. They grow out of the tops of other pineapples. It does not make sense. Pineapples should grow on trees. Everything I ever knew or believed in is a lie!

Cyn: I just ate the best piece of cake I’ve ever had in my entire life. But it did have a little too much frosting. And it wasn’t sweet enough. You know, now that I think about it, it wasn’t actually that good.

Cyn: Introducing the most fuel-efficient car. The car that runs on stupidity! Forget gasoline, biofuels, electricity, and hyrdogen: stupidity is so easy to produce it costs virtually nothing. And it creates jobs. So sit in your stupid car™ and start driving.

Rally to Restore Sanity Bingo: Were’s Cyn? (I don’t belong here) Argent: Her style is a little more… (This is a tea party.) Cyn: Fear me.

Bingo: Argent left his phone. He’s probably calling us to say he forgot it. Cyn: Bingo. I want you to think about what you just said and tell me when you figure out why that’s not it.

Cyn: Evolution and adaptation are supposed to make us better suited to our environment over time. Evolution is clearly overrated. Only a fool would connect the part of the body that eats to the part of the body that breathes.

Argent’s Mom: Oh no! His other ear just went! Argent’s Dad: What should we do? Does he need to go to the vet? Vet: Oh, it’s nothing to worry about. He’ll just be boring for the rest of his life is all.

Bingo: I wonder what it’s like to be a child prodigy. Cyn: Lonely. I know from experience.

Cyn: Finals week is fast approaching, as I’m sure all of you are aware. So study. Study in preparation of the final test. Study away all you like, but know that no matter how hard you try you shall not pass. Ok, I’ll see you all next week.

Cyn: I have a big A.D.D. problem and I can’t do more than one thing at a time. I also can’t do one thing at a time.

Cyn: What? I have bad dandruff, okay?