Cyn: Introducing the most fuel-efficient car. The car that runs on stupidity! Forget gasoline, biofuels, electricity, and hyrdogen: stupidity is so easy to produce it costs virtually nothing. And it creates jobs. So sit in your stupid car™ and start driving.
Rally to Restore Sanity Bingo: Were’s Cyn? (I don’t belong here) Argent: Her style is a little more… (This is a tea party.) Cyn: Fear me.
Bingo: Argent left his phone. He’s probably calling us to say he forgot it. Cyn: Bingo. I want you to think about what you just said and tell me when you figure out why that’s not it.
Cyn: Evolution and adaptation are supposed to make us better suited to our environment over time. Evolution is clearly overrated. Only a fool would connect the part of the body that eats to the part of the body that breathes.
Argent’s Mom: Oh no! His other ear just went! Argent’s Dad: What should we do? Does he need to go to the vet? Vet: Oh, it’s nothing to worry about. He’ll just be boring for the rest of his life is all.
Bingo: I wonder what it’s like to be a child prodigy. Cyn: Lonely. I know from experience.
Cyn: Finals week is fast approaching, as I’m sure all of you are aware. So study. Study in preparation of the final test. Study away all you like, but know that no matter how hard you try you shall not pass. Ok, I’ll see you all next week.
Cyn: I have a big A.D.D. problem and I can’t do more than one thing at a time. I also can’t do one thing at a time.
Cyn: What? I have bad dandruff, okay?
Argent: What do you think this year will be like? Cyn: The same as last year. Argent: Everyone is making resolutions to improve themselves. Don’t you have faith all those individuals will meet their goals, and with those improvements make this year better than last? Cyn: No. Argent: Ever the cynic, I see. Cyn: Yep.
Cyn: What if the world was created by an artist? No matter how hard we looked, we could never find them, because they would be outside our world. Like the difference between an author and their book. You would have to watch what you say, because the artist might hear you. A few lines there,… Read more »
Cyn: “Do not use the supplied installation CD-ROM in regular CD players. It produces excessively loud sound that may cause hearing damage.” Well now I’m curious.
Cyn: Stop! If you do that, you will die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. Argent: Well, yes.
Cyn: Happy birthday! I had your cake and I ate it, too.
Bingo: But I – Cyn: Sorry, you’ll have to file that with the complaints department.
Valentine: Valentine’s day isn’t about love, it’s about supporting a multi-million dollar industry. Happy capitalism! Valentine: This oughta be good. Happy Valentines Day!
Argent: No matter what you do or how good it is Cyn will always have something negative to say about it. Cyn: That is not true!
Bingo: Captain Cyn… Captain Cyn, we have a problem. I… I… I can’t remember which button I’m not supposed to press!
Weather Forecaster: Taking a look at today’s weather forecast, sunny with highs around 70. Tomorrow’s weather forecast: firestorms sweep across the nation as we head into the first day of the apocalypse.
Cyn: After 20 years of friendship, after 30 years of marriage, after a lifetime of family… You would think people would run out of things to say to each other, but they never do. Why is that? Argent: ran out a long time ago
Cyn: The “Irish whistle.” A whistle only the Irish can hear.
Cyn: I don’t understand why brainwashing is a big concern. You’d think if your brain was dirty you would want it washed.
Bingo: Hey Argent, which way is up? Argent: What? Bingo: Oh… It’s just that I’m really bad with directions. Really bad.
Devil Dog: Computer problems? No problem.
Eye Doctor: Spell cucumber. Cyn: C-U-C-U-M-B-E-R Eye Doctor: Okay, now spell egregious. Cyn: E-G-R-E-G-I-O-U-S Eye Doctor: Your vision is fine. There’s nothing to worry about. Cyn: Uhh…
Waiter: I’ll be back in a flash with your order.
Cyn: An evil so great it fills the universe with darkness. Something so terrible, not even 90° can set it right! A careless, unsentimental horror! A being with no perceptible feelings! Dun dun dunnnn! Argent: I can’t see you Cyn, but I know you are back there.
Bingo: Aw, my program didn’t get printed right.
High School Graduates: Schoooooool’s out for summer! Schoooooool’s out for… ever! Woo-hoo! Dog State College Graduate: Aw, *^&#.
Cyn: What do you think of this hat? Argent: If I were to be deathly honest- Cyn: You would die.
Typos are Everywhre.
Cyn: Life is very much like driving. If you drive like a crazy person, then every one else, fearing for their continued existence, will get out of your way.
Retail Husky: You will pay for this. Bingo: I already did. Retail Husky: Oh. Never mind then.
Cyn: Who are they? Why do they keep saying things? And why am I supposed to know about it?
Cyn: I like to think the parking police will assume I have the right sticker if I leave them all on my window. They’re expired, but you have to look close to know!
Argent: Hello? Telemarketer: Hello, this is Spot from Hydrant Services. How are you? Argent: Oh, today has been quite dreadful. I feel sick. This morning I also smashed my paw in the doorway and tripped over a mess my friends left in the main hall. I then discovered the milk was spoiled when I went… Read more »
Bingo: Remember, if there’s an emergency, call… Raúl: Bingo: Hey Cyn, what’s the number for 911? Cyn: You know Bingo, I can’t quite remember.
Cyn: Here’s a useful tech tip: while it may be satisfying, smashing your computer is ultimately unproductive.
Cyn: Ooh, a comment on my video. ‘I can’t tell you how stupid this is.’ A bigger vocabulary might help.
Bingo: Chicken McNuggets. They do make sense.
Cyn: The fastest an average U.S. citizen can legally drive is 70-75 mph. So why do speedometers go so high? The more I look at it, the more I want to try…
Cyn: And now, a word from our sponsor. Argent: Orange. Cyn: We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
Argent: What are you doing? Cyn: Collecting “proof of purchase” labels from things I didn’t purchase. ha Ha Ha Ha~ Argent: Evil, thy name is Cyn.
Bingo: What story do you want to start tonight: Jack and the Beansprout, James and the Generic Peach, or Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce?
Bingo: I wonder what it’s like to have short term memory lo Argent: What? Bingo: ??? I didn’t say anything.
Cyn: …And remember, proofreeding is very important.
Cyn: I hate captchas. Today I will show you why. The evolution of hte captcha: fish hook fish hook fssh yook Cyn: ???
Cyn: The plot thickens. Argent: Well, it wouldn’t do that if you quit adding so much flour.
Cyn: Here’s a fun fact. People only ever say ‘no offense’ right before something that is clearly offensive. No offense, but you’re boring. No offense, but that’s a stupid idea. Well, you know what? Bingo, Argent, Cyn: I’m still offended!
Cyn: A healthy dose of stupidity is no dose at all.
Cyn: I get nervous when I watch TV shows about psychopaths. I think maybe I am one… and if I watch it on TV, then I’ll realize… Argent: Didn’t you just say you were busy? You should probably get going… Bingo: Well, if we’re done here I just remembered I have something to go do…
Cyn: Make your day more challenging. Park in an automated parking garage and lose your parking ticket. Parking Garage: please insert your parking ticket please insert your parking ticket please insert your parking ticket please insert your parking ticket please insert your parking ticket
Cyn: ‘Trick-or-Treat’ implies you get either a trick or a treat. And since everybody else gives out treats guess what the kids visiting this house are gonna get.
Cyn: Looks like we’ll have to put our heads together to figure this out. Bingo: But I don’t want to touch your head with my head… Cyn: I didn’t mean literally.
Legal Notice: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, events, or places is entirely coincidental, except some times when the resemblance is on purpose. Walls drawn in this comic are not actual walls, but representations thereof. Cyn wolf does not claim to own or hold the rights… Read more »
Thanksgiving: Reminding you to be thankful you’re at the top of the food chain.
Bingo: The glass is half full. Argent: The glass is half empty. Cyn: The glass is broken.
Facebook: This message could not be posted to your wall. Okay. Cyn: No, not okay!
Bingo: It’s okay if you don’t know what you want to be yet, Raúl. You have the rest of your life to figure it out. For all we know, ‘the rest of your life’ might only be the next two minutes, but…
Cyn: How, exactly, does one make ‘gruel’? Is there a recipe? If there is, I really want to know…
Cyn: Oh no. Frequent Flashback Disorder.
Argent: Shouldn’t you be busy? Cyn: Nah. I made a resolution I could accomplish in one day. Now I can kick back and relax the rest of the year.
Cyn: Fun fact: since when are facts fun?! My idea of a fun fact? There is a delicious candy bar the size of a basketball on my desk.
Bingo: My fortune cookie said my dreams would come true in two months. But… it’s almost been two months and nothing has happened! Argent: Well that’s funny, because fortune cookies always tell the truth.
Argent, Bingo, Raúl: Happy birthday Cyn! Bingo: You look better every year! Cyn: Ain’t that the truth.
Cyn: Sometimes marketers do this thing called an email blast. It’s where
Gray Dog: Don’t forget it’s Valentine’s Day! Blue Dog: Yeah! You need to buy something for someone. Or else you don’t love them. Dogs: Buy something buy something buy something buy something Argent: Another corporate nightmare?
Bingo: Hey guys, watch this new trick I learned!
Argent: This salad would be easier to eat with chopsticks. Cyn: Grrrr Argent: Or fingers.
Cyn: It’s alive. It’s alive! hahahahahahahahaha Caption: That was the last time Cyn cooked Thanksgiving dinner.
Cyn: It’s gotta be around here somewhere. Here it is. Huh. What’s this scroll thing?
Cyn: Dun dun duuun. Also, I found the pie that disappeared last month. Argent: Cyn, where did you get this? Cyn: From one of the attics. You know what this means? Argent: Oh no. Cyn: You all better call in your vacation time, because we’re going to find the treasure. Argent: We’re supposed to take… Read more »
Bingo: I’m not sure I want to- Cyn: *snap* Bingo: -go on an adventure. Bingo: How does she do that? Argent: I do not know. Cyn: Even with the internet, we have no hope of figuring out some of the stuff on the map. So we’re going to meet the canines who do. FvnZZPbfjlxc: I… Read more »
FvnZZPbfjlxc: What? Have you not seen a library before?
Bingo: That whole place is full of books? It will take forever to go through them! Do you have a computer catalogue? FvnZZPbfjlxc: Oh my, that is funny. Wait. You were serious? You mean you still use computers? This is simply fascinating! Quick – name any state! Bingo: Uhh… Barkansas? FvnZZPbfjlxc: Amazing! It’s a wonder… Read more »
Black Wolf: I see you have taken an interest in the books. FvnZZPbfjlxc: It was not until we lost it that we realized the power of memory. Today, everything you see here is known by an Archiver. Any of them will surely know whether the symbols on your map exist elsewhere. It appears Grrr is… Read more »
Grrr: No need. Raúl has told me you have a map you wish deciphered. Cyn: But Raúl can’t talk! Grrr: There are more ways to talk than with words. Your map, for example. Hmm. I see why you are confused. Your problem is this: this is not a map. It is a cry for help.
Grrr: These landmarks exist, but are not even on the same continents. Add these characters and you have your coded message. Of course, you are about 62 years too late. But I will enlighten you nonetheless. “Overwhelmed at Castle Last Hope. Enemies come by land, air, and sea. X’s location will be discovered if help… Read more »
Grrr: There is no indication as to what X is, or where it is located. However, the castle is nearby. If you still wish to invest yourselves in this journey, I suggest starting there. FvnZZPbfjlxc can point you in the right direction. FvnZZPbfjlxc: Follow me. Grrr: It was …interesting… to see you again Argent.
Cyn: You’ve been here before?! Argent: Would you believe me if I said no? Cyn: No! If I believed you, it would be exactly like one of those books where the characters all happily accept some strange situation or detail as the truth, while the reader rolls their eyes at how obviously suspicious it is!… Read more »
FvnZZPbfjlxc: Castle Last Hope is about a day’s run from here. You can see the tower beyond the forest. Simply follow the setting sun. Cyn: Well, so much for that. Let’s go home now. Bingo: W-what? We aren’t going to the castle? I wanted to stay… Cyn: Ha! I knew you would see it my… Read more »
Bear: GRRROAAAR Cyn: Go! I’ll handle this.
Cyn: Um… Hi there. How are you? Bear: Fine now. You sure did startle me. You are just passing through? Cyn: Yes, we’re on our way to Castle Last Hope. Cyn: Ah, you’ve still a ways to go. Travel safe. Cyn: Thanks. Nice enough bear.
Argent: What happened with the bear? Cyn: It was friendly. Bingo: Hey… We haven’t slept since Cyn put her paw in that pie. Let’s stop for the night. Raúl: Yawn. Cyn: Have you heard the story about the dog who fetched cheese?
Cyn: She was a cook at Howl Castle. Every day she would trudge down the winding staircase and into the maze-like cellar, usually for the delicious aged cheese castle guests loved. It was a mindless task. Castle Dog: Haha. How did I end up here again?
Cyn: They never found her ghost. Bingo: H-huh? Cyn: Who knows where it could be now. Argent: I once heard of a fellow who invited someone to his house for dinner. The visitor left a drink on the table. Later that night when the owner was cleaning his house, he went to remove the glass… Read more »
Bingo: Hey Cyn, do you know how to play watermelons? Cyn: No. Bingo: Okay, let’s play! There are two blue watermelons and two green watermelons… Argent: Quit talking you two – you are just creating more filler. Cyn and Bingo: Awww. Argent: We are here. Bingo: That’s a big gate. Cyn: Yeah.
Guard: Stop! Have you taken a moment to look in awe upon the castle gate? Guard: Go on in. We only keep the gate closed so we can show it off to everyone. Cyn: Couldn’t dogs just walk around it? Guard: Are you implying someone wouldn’t want to admire this amazing work of architecture? Guard:… Read more »
Cyn: That looks… safe. Bingo: What’s going on? There’s so many dogs. Argent: Sounds like a concert. Cyn: Let’s ask around and see if anyone knows anything about the battle that happened here. Bingo: Why didn’t we ask the guards? Cyn: Come on Bingo, everyone knows guards are useless.
Cyn: Hey! Argent: Those dogs are a bad sign. They must also be seeking the treasure. Cyn: Huh? But they’re wearing bouncy bumble bee antennae thingies. They’re probably really friendly. Argent: That’s what they want you to believe. Bingo: No one I talked to knows anything about this place. Let’s look around.
Cyn: Hhhhiiii-yah! The best stuff is always hidden behind things on the wall. We should check the throne room for a secret entrance! Bingo: Bingo. Cyn: Are you talking to yourself again? Oh.
Janitor: I’ve lived here my whole life. Go ahead and ask. Bingo: Wasn’t there a big battle that happened here in the last 70 years or something? Janitor: Ahaha. You’re not from around here. There hasn’t been a war in over a century, though I think I know why you are confused.
Janitor: That’s right. Just one dog. How could it be called a war when the odds were so uneven? She said the birds followed her wherever she went, trying to get revenge. So finally they got it.
Janitor: The birds returned to the forest and haven’t been seen since. If you want to see where the explosion happened, keep going down the stairs to the lower levels. Nobody goes there anymore, though. Cyn: W-why not? Janitor: We don’t have enough cleaning staff to take care of the whole castle.
Cyn: It’s a pile of rubble. We’re going to have to find the birds and ask them. They must have the treasure now. Bingo: If they have it, we don’t have any right to it. Are we going to take it from them? Cyn: No, but now I want to know what it is. Don’t… Read more »
Cyn: Wait. Argent: It is cut deep. The artists may have worked around it. Cyn: Which means the treasure is…